If Only...


Overall, life is good. I am healthy, I enjoy my job, my finances are stable, I have close friends, etc. The one thing I am missing is the ideal partner to share it all with. If only I had that, my life would be complete. From a spiritual standpoint, what can I do to attract this missing element? I have tried all the obvious approaches.


Unfortunately, you are dealing with something much more troublesome than the lack of an ideal partner; you are suffering from a serious case of "if only" disease. Such a seemingly subtle infirmity is not only rampant throughout human consciousness; it is extremely deadly from a spiritual perspective.

Like the proverbial "carrot on a stick", such mentality keeps you endlessly chasing after whatever you perceive is missing in your life - ever holding out the promise that once it is acquired, you can finally relax, settle in and fully enjoy your existence. As such, I can solidly guarantee that even if you attracted the ideal mate today, in a relatively short period of time you would either feel the need for something new to make your life feel "complete" or one of the other elements you currently rely on would suddenly weaken or fall away.

Consequently, all of your energy and focus would immediately be thrown back into chasing that "carrot" again. If you cannot envision the end point of such a dynamic, it is because there isn't one. It is a continual juggling act - requiring vigilance every moment of every day to keep the various "balls of your life" up in the air. Even in the (highly unlikely) event you managed to keep every "ball" airborne throughout the years, they would still all come crashing down (violently so) upon your death.

The causative agent behind such an insidious, destructive, enslaving disease is human illusion. It knows that if it can keep you running around in circles chasing one hoped for dream after another, you will never have the appropriate clarity, calmness and focus to pursue your real purpose in being here - connecting with and expressing your Eternal God Nature.

The primary cure for such a lethal, distracting syndrome is awareness. Hence, the moment you find yourself thinking "if only" (regardless of where it is directed), immediately cancel that thought and then quickly remind yourself it is simply a ruse on the part of your illusion to keep you from the real prize. The more awareness you can hold in this regard, the closer you are to a permanent cure and the vibrant spiritual health it offers.

Towards that end, realize "if only" thinking not only applies to the future, it also extends to the past - usually in the form of regrets (around perceived mistakes, deep losses, missed opportunities, etc.) as well as nostalgia for what once was. Unless such feelings are directly part of a divine releasing process (in which they are permanently leaving your consciousness vs. simply being stirred up and reinforced), they should never be engaged.

Be especially watchful of the human tendency to mentally replay scenarios from the past with a more desired ending. In other words, envisioning a situation from bygone days being handled differently and fantasizing how much better your life would be today as a result. The moment you entertain such thoughts, your illusion has pulled you into the graveyard of the past to sift through its bones. That is not where True Life lies!

At some point, you may encounter the most developed and sophisticated form of this disease - namely, the "if only I was Enlightened everything would be perfect". All milder versions (like the one you are currently experiencing) are just preparation (spiritual muscle-building exercises) to help you overcome this ultimate challenge. Such a seeming high and pure thought is often the final (and therefore most stubborn) barrier to Freedom. Like all other "if only" thoughts, it places what you desire (in this case Liberation) perpetually beyond your grasp into an ever unfolding future!

Copyright © 2002-2015 Rachael Parkhurst - All Rights Reserved